Loving Them While You Can

Read Finding Their Way to Foster Care to see how Caleb & Jeanne’s story began.

Caleb and Jeanne always knew the goal of foster care is reunification — helping children safely return to their birth families. But knowing it and living it are two different things.

When we asked Caleb and Jeanne what it's really like to say goodbye when a child reunifies with their birth family, Caleb was honest: "Some losses are harder than others, but it's always hard when a kid leaves." As the around-the-clock parents for whatever time a child is in their home, bonding isn't just natural — it's the point. "For many of the kids, I've been the only dad they've known," Caleb said, "so we love them like a dad and mom while we can."

Jeanne put it simply: "Love them like they're yours, love deeply, but hold loosely… we have to remember that our biological kids are the Lord's, too, not ours."

They both agree the hardship is worth it, and they're clear about why: you have to put your own desires underneath what is best for the child. "This time is so precious for them," Jeanne said. "This is the only childhood they get."

Let that sink in. Children only get one chance to grow up. When necessary, foster families step in to keep them safe. But when birth parents do the hard work of restoring their home, children deserve the chance to return — and to be fully part of their family and their story.

Jeanne takes that seriously. She does most of the transportation for visits, and she always asks to meet the birth families. She can tell that most birth parents are stressed — about their situation, their children's well-being, and whether they can trust the foster family with their kids. And that trust isn't automatic. When children are removed from a home, birth families aren't given much information. They're expected to trust that the child welfare system is doing right by their kids.

Jeanne is intentional about closing that gap. She asks questions. She looks for ways to include birth parents in what's happening with their children. She works to build real relationships and keep communication open. "We can just be good with each other," she said.

She's even offered some stern encouragement when the moment was right — nudging a parent to "get their stuff together" — but only after she's earned their trust and she's sure it's what they need to hear. She's clear-eyed about what happens when that connection isn't possible: "The biggest challenges we've ever faced in foster care have been when we hadn't had a chance to meet the birth family yet."

Her reminder to herself — and to anyone who asks — is simple: "It's important to remember why you're serving these children and that the goal is reunification. You have to remember what all of this is for."

When they began fostering, their biological daughter was still a preschooler. They prepared her, and themselves, to welcome kids into their family for whatever time they needed, and they did just that. To date, they’ve provided foster care for a total of 23 children, including 2 children who are part of their family now.

They always valued adoption and loved knowing that kids could find permanency, when needed, but it wasn’t their goal to adopt. But when two of the children in their care couldn’t reunify, saying yes felt less like a decision and more like a calling. And even though Caleb and Jeanne are now their legal parents, they remain connected to the children’s birth family, nurturing meaningful relationships they hope will never fade away.

And their family grew in another unexpected way, too. Through their ministry, they had grown close to a young woman named Vanessa. She had aged out of foster care and was doing her best to navigate young adulthood, but she needed people in her corner. She clicked with Caleb and Jeanne, and they invited her to live with them to help her gain the footing she needed. Eventually, all three decided she should become a permanent part of the family.

Today, their home is full in the best way: a biological daughter, an adopted son and two adopted daughters, and three children in foster care.

If Caleb and Jeanne's story resonates with you, we'd love to start a conversation. Here are four ways to connect:

Join a FREE Foster Care & Adoption Online Info Session

Sign Up For a Virtual Tour of The Foster Care Village

Email us at fosteradopt@pchas.org

Call a Foster Care & Adoption Guide at (281) 324-0544

Read More of Caleb & Jeanne’s Story

  Finding Their Way to Foster Care

  A Neighborhood That Gets It

  What 23 Kids Have Taught Us About Foster Care