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Having children removed by Child Protective Services is one of the worst things that can happen to a parent. It’s a last resort when abuse or neglect is confirmed, it’s not safe for the children to stay, and the family doesn’t have an appropriate, available alternative like a relative or family friend who can care for the children. Removal is an actual moment of crisis, and unfortunately, for many families who experience it, it’s not the only really tough situation they face. Abuse and neglect often follow a string of other struggles with finances, mental health, substance abuse, domestic violence, or the loss of a loved one. Pair that with a lack of resources, support, or positive role models for parenting, and the outcomes are rarely what we’d hope for.
When families choose to foster through Presbyterian Children's Homes and Services (PCHAS), they don’t just sign up to care for children and welcome them into their homes—they step directly into the story of children and their families. A new foster dad shared: “I knew a lot about poverty and the challenges that people can face, but when I met his birth mom for the first time, it really opened my eyes. It was obvious that she loved him, but the odds were stacked against her. She had a really hard past and didn’t have any support as a mom.”
Many birth parents involved with the system were once in foster care themselves, experiencing trauma and instability and missing out on safe, nurturing care. Fostering families aren’t expected to resolve generations of pain and hardship, but their support can mean the world to a birth parent who feels they have no one in their corner.
A foster family’s respect and compassion toward a birth family positively impacts the children in their care, too. Children are more likely to trust their foster parents with the blessing (spoken or felt) of their birth family. The more they trust their foster family, the easier it is for them to settle into family life, feel safe, and begin their healing process.
Kelley, a PCHAS foster mom, creates a life book to share with each birth family during visitation. She includes a letter to introduce herself and reassure them that their child is safe, well cared for, and in a loving home. She shares pictures and updates each week to keep the family included in all that is happening in their child’s life. This simple gesture creates a platform for the two families to form a relationship as they communicate about the child’s progress.
Another foster mom, Sharon, developed a bond with the birth mother of a child in her care and even became a mentor to the young woman. Like many birth families, this mom had experienced challenges in her upbringing and missed some important lessons. She sounded embarrassed one day when she called Sharon, eventually revealing that she had purchased a car seat but didn’t know how to install it in her car. She was afraid to ask her child protection worker because she wanted to appear as though she had all her bases covered. Yet, as anyone who has ever installed a car seat knows, it’s not easy, and it’s essential to do it well.
Sharon knew it would be hard on everyone if reunification were successful because the child had bonded and fit in so well with their family. Yet, she didn’t think twice and quickly agreed to help the young woman, fully aware she was helping her move one step closer to her goal.
“I realized this woman wants to do better and had nowhere to turn,” Sharon said. She saw the woman’s willingness to ask for help as a strength, not a weakness, and she seized the opportunity to help her succeed in ensuring the safety of the child they both loved. Today, this mom is doing great, and she’s raising her kids with the support she needs – which includes Sharon and her family, who regularly babysit and get to enjoy seeing the little one grow up.
We root for birth families because we believe:
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