Healing and Support for the Lifelong Journey of Adoption

Every adoption is unique, and it is essential we make space for every adoptee, adoptive family and birth family to navigate their experience authentically. Yet, some needs are common in every adoption. Loss is one of them because a child cannot be adopted into a family without losing their first family.

Regardless of whether the children’s birth parents chose to place their child with an adoptive family or if a court made the decision due to abuse or neglect, birth parents (and their family) grieve the loss throughout their lifetime. The reason for the adoption, their comfort with the process, the level of openness with the adoptive family, ongoing relationship or reunion with their children, and many other factors may contribute to long-range satisfaction with the adoptive placement. Still, the loss is impossible to remove (and unhealthy to ignore).

Adoptees grieve their loss, too. While most adoptees report positive feelings about their adoption, that is not the case for every adopted person. And, no matter how young they were at the time of separation, how great their life is with their adoptive family, or how blessed they feel when they look back on their life, the loss is felt at their core, and adoptees need safe people who love and accept them unconditionally to be by their side as they grapple with often unanswerable questions about their identity, worth, culture, family, and future.

Adoptive families grieve as well. Adoptive parents often have questions, thoughts, fears and challenges that are outside their control. Infertility, loss, singleness and advanced age are common reasons people pursue adoption, so parents may deal with the loss of the future they envisioned. Adoptive parents may also experience loss, uncertainty or insecurity about their long-term role in their child’s life, especially if their child is looking to connect/reconnect with their birth family. A loss of anonymity or ability to blend in can be another common struggle, especially for transracial families and families of children with special needs. While most parents’ commitment and unconditional love for their kids never wavers, always standing out, receiving unwelcome and inappropriate questions or attention, and constant pressure to educate and advocate take a toll.

Healthy grief requires action. Do you remember the children’s song about going on a bear hunt? At each obstacle, we learned we can’t go over it and can’t go under it, we’ve got to go through it. The same is true for grief.

PCHAS encourages members of the adoption triad (adoptees, birth families and adoptive families) to be aware of their needs or aware something does not feel settled/right/comfortable, even if they cannot think of how to describe the need. Then, ask for help. It is not a weakness. We see the ability to ask for help as a strength and a sign of maturity. What each person needs is different, so knowing yourself is vital. Many people find therapy/counseling helpful, but others benefit from support groups, self-care, retreats, journaling, or other creative solutions.

“Adoption is a lifelong journey, so when PCHAS assists with an adoption, we are in it for the long haul,” said Megan Broussard, the PCHAS Post Adoption Social Worker. “Adoptees, birth families and adoptive parents can contact us at any time, and we are glad to give resources and referrals and offer assistance if we can.”

Megan provides resources for families that have adopted through PCHAS. Most of her direct work is with adoptees, birth families, and adoptive families who made adoption plans over the last 50+ years through the voluntary adoption program with PCHAS or Homes of St. Mark (before its merger with PCHAS in 2010). Megan and her colleague, Amanda Oakes, aid adoption triad members in accessing records, searching for family members, and preparing for and navigating the complex emotions and experiences inherent to most reunions. To connect with PCHAS Post Adoption Services, call (713) 522-2800.

Counseling is often one of the most helpful resources, but still, the solutions are never one-size-fits-all. “Many of our therapists with The Counseling Centers at PCHAS have years of experience with adoption and foster care. Adoption Competent Therapists make a big difference,” said Broussard. “They take several different insurance plans and work with kids, parents, families and individuals from our Cypress, San Antonio and Waxahachie, Texas offices. They can also provide therapy online for people who live anywhere in Texas.” To connect with The Counseling Centers at PCHAS for adoption or post-adoption issues and almost anything else, request an appointment or call (833) 208-3210.

Below, we’ll share additional resources adoptive families may find helpful, and you can access even more resources on our website.

Families who adopt children in the custody of the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services (DFPS) / Child Protective Services (CPS) can access Post Adoption Services until their children reach adulthood. The state contracts for these services by region, and the local Post Adoption Services Provider helps stabilize and preserve adoptive families with resources, case management, financial aid, etc. Participation is voluntary. To access Post Adoption Services, visit this page on the state’s website to identify the provider for the area where you live.

Chosen helps children and families heal trauma through connection. Chosen’s clinical offerings are tailored for each family and situation and provide personalized support and guidance. 

Pathways for Little Feet is a non-profit that reduces financial barriers for adoptive families, helps bring children home, and provides support along the journey. They offer counseling and therapy grants for adoptees and adoptive families and scholarships for conferences and trainings that help families thrive. 

Lifesong For Orphans also focuses on helping adoptive families access the necessary care and support through counseling, training and other resources. Lifesong’s Post-Adoption Care & Counseling Financial Assistance helps families afford counseling, training, trauma care (like EMDR therapy), neurofeedback, and other interventions.

Show Hope is another non-profit focused on helping adoptive families and children succeed. Show Hope hosts Hope for the Journey annually and shares a wide array of resources on their website. They also offer Medical Care Grants for physical and occupational therapy, surgeries, prescriptions, and more.

Each adoption is unique, and each triad member needs something different, but support is available and essential for everyone, and no one needs to navigate this journey alone. If you are part of an adoption story, remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, and there are caring professionals and resources ready to support you every step of the way.