Advice from Single Foster Parents

At PCHAS, we’re honored to work with couples and singles that choose to be family for children who need one. Seeing kids heal and grow is incredibly rewarding, but fostering can be challenging, too. So, we asked two of our single foster parents to share advice about what has helped them thrive as they do it on their own. And spoiler alert: they aren’t truly alone. 

Realize It’s Possible 

When Katie learned about the needs of foster children in her community, she felt the Lord calling her to help. She reached out to a foster family and offered to babysit. They asked her, “Why not you? Why not foster?” Katie wasn’t aware of many single foster parents and wondered if being single was the thing holding her back.  

There’s a huge need for foster families and they come in all shapes and sizes, including single men and women. Kelley, another PCHAS foster parent, shared, “being a single mom hasn’t stopped me from giving 100% of my heart.” As a single parent, she’s been able to focus one-on-one with children. She advises, “If taking care of these kids is really in your heart, don’t let being single stop you. You can be successful as long as you’ve got the want to. These kids need people who really want to help.”   

Get Informed 

Learn as much as you can about the world of foster care. Gain parenting experience through babysitting, mentoring, volunteering in the youth ministry, or providing respite care. Find courses on child development, look into parenting classes, get trauma-informed training and attend foster & adoption conferences. Katie attended a week-long trauma-informed caregiver training at her church before ever parenting. She admitted feeling awkward at first, but she was grateful for how it prepared her. “Immersing yourself in the foster and adoptive community brings relationships and resources,” Katie says, “fostering is a wonderful, but challenging journey. It’s important to be prepared rather than surprised.”  

Identify Resources  

It’s helpful to identify resources ahead of time. “When you first get a child there’s a moment of panic and you have so much to do. If you already know who you’re going to call, then you can just focus your attention on the child,” shared Kelley. Identify providers who will accept Medicaid for children as well as other resources: doctors, dentists, daycare and after-school programs.  

Choose an Agency Carefully  

Find an agency that will advocate for you. “As a single foster parent, you need to be really choosy about which agency you select because you’re going to need the extra support. With PCHAS, I knew the case manager would go with me to court or, if I couldn’t, they would give me an update,” shared Katie.  

Build Your Support System 

“One of the biggest pieces of whether or not you will be successful as a single parent is your support system,” Kelley says. It’s important to identify people you trust to run an errand or care for a child if you get sick or have an emergency. Babysitters are especially important. “Sometimes I need to step away or run errands without kids pulling on my legs,” Kelley says. Her PCHAS case manager and support groups were great to turn to when she was feeling overwhelmed or emotionally exhausted. 

Katie talked about how she chose her support system: “They were people I already knew, loved, trusted, and they already had a heart for Jesus and for his children. They were already involved, volunteering in the church nursery, going on mission trips. They cared about trauma-informed care and confidentiality.” 

Ask For Help 

“Even though you’re single, you can’t be alone. You have to find people around you to lean on. You have to learn how to ask for help. I was fiercely independent and wanted to do things on my own; I never wanted to burden others. It was a challenge to learn to ask for help, but I recognized I wasn’t just asking for me, I was asking for these kids,” Kelley says. Katie noted, “I had to learn to ask for help before I got burnt out. I didn’t want to be a bother. It took me a while to feel comfortable asking, but I have an amazing community that are really willing to do it.” 

Know It’s Challenging, But Worth It 

“Fostering is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and also the best thing I’ve ever done,” Kelley says. She joked that parenting is hard, single parenting is harder, but single foster parenting is on a whole other level. “It’s just a lot. You’re the only one, 24/7 and there’s no one to pass the baton to,” Kelley says.  

With each child that has come to her home with trauma, Kelley has greeted them with love and watched them leave transformed. She strives to teach them the things they need to be happy, healthy, kind human beings. “Watching the kids grow and learn new skills warms my heart,” she says. This is Katie’s favorite part, too. “Getting to see them overcome; seeing them heal and flourish,” she shared. Whether children are reunited with their birth family or adopted, “we want them to have secure attachments and I was able to help mold that,” Katie says. 

Not Everyone is Called to Foster, But Everyone is Called to Support 

There are so many ways to help, and little things can actually be huge:  

• get approved to babysit 
  
• drop off a meal 
  
• pick up groceries 
  
• mow a lawn 
  
• wash dishes 
  
• attend court with a foster parent 
  
• donate clothing and other items a foster family may need 
  
• get connected to a support organization 
  

Above all, be an encouragement. “We all need a little encouragement,” Katie says. 

Kids in our community need great families to foster. Whether you’re single, married, divorced or widowed, if you have a heart for kids, we want to get to know you. Give us a call at 281-324-0544 or email fosteradopt@pchas.org to connect with a Foster Care & Adoption Guide.