Short-Term Help Has Long-Term Impact

When her parents divorced, Abbie was about 5. For several years she tried to help her little brother cope with the storm in their home, but she couldn’t do it alone. Family Solutions for Kids, a PCHAS program, became her safe haven.

Abbie’s parents dealt with allegations of violence and a restraining order. By the time Abbie was 11, there was a new marriage, a blended household and more accusations. To reduce the constant tension, the family asked Counselor Judy Bauer to help them communicate better.

“Judy was a big influence in how we spoke to each other,” Abbie says. “She taught me how to use ‘I’ statements, to re-phrase without blame and to interact in ways that were effective. You know, sometimes holding off might be better, even if the other person expects a reaction right away.”

Judy met with each family member individually. While PCHAS therapists may meet in the family home, Abbie and her brother were relieved to get out of the house and spoke more freely elsewhere. “The thing I remember the most, my #1 lesson, is that nobody is allowed to tell you that your feelings are wrong,” Abbie declares. “Your feelings are simply how you feel. That stuck with me the first time she said it and, eight years later, I still repeat it every day.”

Abbie remembers that sharing her true feelings with her dad, in particular, was difficult. Judy encouraged her to write out her words and read them aloud, alone. With practice Abbie grew stronger in expressing herself and was able to speak to her dad honestly.

Now a college student living away from home, Abbie is able to speak her truth without escalating a conflict. “Judy shaped me into the person I am today when it comes to confrontation. She was a huge help with my family issues right then. But, more than that, she helped me overcome any issue I might have in my life. And I am happier than I have ever been.”

Family Solutions for Kids has been funded by St. Louis County Children’s Service Fund since 2010. Its sister program, Child and Family, operates in other parts of Missouri and across Texas and Louisiana. For more information call 800-888-1904 or contact us online.