“What is Wrong with You?”

Throwing a tantrum. Being defensive. Giving the cold shoulder.

A common reaction to these difficult behaviors in a child or adult is, “What is wrong with you?” This summer, authors Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey are encouraging readers to re-frame that question as, “What happened to you?” They explain that trauma-informed care treats “bad” behavior as a habitual coping mechanism for too much stress. But without actual therapy, how can a person or family handle difficult interactions constructively?

Perry gives an example of a young boy who was yelled at. His “stress response was activated,” he writes. Fear shut down his thinking and increased his physical reactions. “Later on, when this boy is exposed to a trigger, his heart rate will go up. His body posture will change…” It is understandable, then, how a child in a worse situation could have a worse response. “A child who is exposed to unpredictable or extreme stress will become what we call dysregulated.”

As specialists in trauma-informed care, the staff at Presbyterian Children’s Homes and Services (PCHAS) understand this mind-body relationship. They help young children, teens and adults to self-regulate and handle distress constructively. PCHAS staff draw on “self-regulating” tools that engage a person’s senses; for example, a fidget toy or stress ball to reduce anxiety in a challenging situation. They may walk while they are in a counseling session or start a visit by listening to the sound of rainfall.

A powerful tool in regulating emotion is rhythmic movement. Chris Massey, LCSW, has learned from his clients that swimming, riding a bike or dribbling a basketball can help them feel more emotionally balanced. But rhythmic activities do not need to be athletic. Massey finds that crocheting, knitting and painting can be calming for children as well as adults. Playing or listening to music is a comfort. “The rhythms of the natural world are embedded in our biological systems,” Perry writes, and that is why listening to ocean waves, even on a radio, is soothing.  

Robert Giegling, senior vice president, explains that one aspect of trauma-informed care is assisting children and parents to recognize when they first feel dysregulated so that they can avoid spiraling into fear or anger. Even when children live every day in survival mode and carry that mindset into adulthood, PCHAS can guide them to handle their feelings differently and prevent the dysregulation from repeating. “Trauma-informed care is based on evidence and compassion,” says Giegling. “With it, we transform lives.”  

PCHAS provides counseling to children and families facing challenges of all sorts. There is no cost and therapists may meet in the family home or another convenient location. Contact us today.