How to Talk with Teens About Suicide

“It is very common for clients to tell us that no one has ever asked if they were considering suicide, even when they had been crying out for help through their behavior,” says Susan Metzger. A licensed professional counselor, Metzger worked with troubled teens at PCHAS’ residential treatment center before becoming the clinical director of our Community Counseling program in Farmington, Missouri. “But we can and should talk about suicide with teenagers and pre-teens,” she says. “Contrary to popular myth, discussing suicide does not ‘plant’ the idea in someone’s head.”

Metzger urges parents and other caregivers to address the issue openly. Bringing it up when life is “normal” will make it easier to deal with a crisis – and perhaps even prevent one. And though it’s a difficult subject, Metzger says there are guidelines we can follow to guide the conversation. These include: 

• Pick a time and setting that feel conversational. This might be while riding in the car, having a leisurely meal or watching TV together.
  
• Think about what you want to say ahead of time and present the topic in a non-threatening manner. If you find suicide difficult to talk about, say so. Expressing your own feelings honestly encourages your child to do the same.
• Be direct. Ask what they think about a recent news story or event. Ask what they take away from a book/movie/TV show that depicts depression or suicide.
  
• Listen. Listen. Listen. Listening gives you insight into your child’s thoughts. Do not judge, even if you disagree with their statements or opinions. Resist the urge to interrupt while your child is speaking. Allow them space to explore their thoughts and feelings.
  
• Do not over-react or under-react. Either will reflect discomfort with the topic and discourage the child from discussing it.
  

After over 27 years of working with children and teens in residential treatment, Metzger explains that when young people do exhibit suicidal thoughts or behaviors, she and her colleagues take equally meaningful steps to keep the child from harm. “We give them a safe, structured environment in which to address their mental health issues and the factors that contributed to the thoughts of suicide,” she explains.

“I cannot over-state the importance of keeping communication open,” Metzger emphasizes. “If you have any indication that a child has had thoughts of suicide, you should definitely revisit the topic. Asking and being open to talking about the subject could save a life.”

PCHAS provides free, professional counseling to families in crisis and mentoring for at-risk youth. Call 800-888-1904 or contact us for more information.