What If We Became a Family?

In 2017, Nick and Lauren were entering their 30’s. They hadn’t started planning for parenthood, but when one of Lauren’s students entered the foster care system with her older sister, everything changed. The girls, Izzy and Anna, were placed with their grandmother, so Lauren and Nick began visiting them to develop a mentoring relationship.

Everyone hoped the girls could remain with their grandmother, but when things weren’t working out, they were moved to another foster home. Lauren and Nick continued to visit, becoming more aware of the girls’ situation. They began to think through the many “what if’s”: “What if they’re moved again?” “What if the girls are separated?” “What if they won’t get to see their grandmother anymore?” The harsh reality of those possibilities made it clear to Nick and Lauren that they had to do something. They now had to consider being more than mentors, “What if we became a family?” 

The couple reached out to PCHAS in January 2018 to begin the process to verify their home for foster care and adoption. After verification, the family received approval from the state for Izzy (8) and Anna (13) to move in later that year. Everyone was very excited for this new stage; they even moved into a new house and made it their home, together.

Despite everyone’s excitement, the transition was not without its’ difficulties. Lauren and Nick were becoming parents for the first time and were also becoming immersed in the world of foster care. Lauren admits that it all felt very overwhelming. They all had to learn how to be a family, together. Nick and Lauren wanted to offer the girls everything they needed, but they also needed to gain confidence as new parents. They had to openly accept the opportunity to parent in new ways and set aside some of the strategies they were familiar with from their own upbringings.

As the new parents tried to blend their family, it was clear the girls’ history of instability made them resistant to try anything new. Lauren wanted to share new experiences and her own passions with the girls, but was often rejected. “I took it personally, but I know I shouldn’t have,” she said, recognizing that the girls found comfort in familiarity. One day Anna confided, “I think I just don’t want to do this because it’s new.” Lauren and Nick couldn’t have been more proud of her insight and willingness to be open. As they’ve found stability, both girls have showed greater confidence and their parents have loved watching them blossom. “Now they’re more willing to try new things and express themselves,” said Nick.

After 17 months as a foster family, the court finalized their adoption in April 2020. The family says their adoption day was wonderful, but the day that the girls joined their family is the one they focus on the most. “The day they moved in, that was our first day as a family,” shared Lauren. Lauren and Nick expressed how important it is to come into adoption with open expectations; recognizing kids come with their own histories and personalities to be appreciated. “I don’t want to try to mold them into exactly who I am, that’s not celebrating who they are,” said Lauren.

As adoptive parents to older children, there were many milestones Lauren and Nick didn’t get to share with their daughters. They grieve the years they missed out on and the hardships the girls endured, but they’ve come to cherish the unique conversations and experiences offered only to families like theirs. “The first time Izzy called me ‘Mamma,’ it was very different because she knew... She looked at me and said, ‘Mamma! Mamma, you’re my mamma,’” Lauren shared as she paused and wiped away a tear.

Lauren and Nick weren’t seeking an opportunity to foster or adopt, but when they saw children in need of a family, they couldn’t turn away. Now, they can’t imagine their lives or their family any other way.  

Today, more than 3,000 Texas children are waiting to be matched with an adoptive family. If you’d like to know more, our Foster Care & Adoption Guides are available to ensure you get the honest answers you deserve. Connect with us by emailing fosteradopt@pchas.org or calling 281-324-0544, or start with general information by joining us for a Foster Care & Adoption Online Info Session.